L.O.V.E.

Universe, you can be so cruel sometimes, did you know? Why did you show me pastures upon which i’m not allowed to graze? I know why. you’re teaching me that no matter how beautiful it all looks, it is but only an illusion made by my skewed judgement. To not trust love. Fine! I reject love. If such is your wish, if this is what you’re showing me again and again and again. To not trust people. To not let anyone past the blood-painted walls of my heart. I understand. Have it your way then! I reject love. I shall reinforce the walls, i shall surround it with spikes of burning steel and freezing ice, for no trespassers are allowed. I reject love. I reject trust. I reject closeness. I shall never love again, i shall never let anyone close again. You wanted to teach me a lesson? You did. Oh, Universe, you did. Love isn’t the goal in this incarnation. I shall become numb to it. I shall use my pain, my grief, my fiery anger to prove everyone - everyone! - i don’t need it. I shall focus on everything else BUT love. For i cannot trust my judgement on it, it seems, so i shall keep everyone at arm’s length - no, 2 meters away, no, more, infinitely distant! And i shall never be a traitor to your lessons again, Universe. I reject love, thank you for showing me how beauitful of an illusion crafted by hormones it is. It is disgusting.